One day, I would like to sit at the feet of a wise elder below the dramatic Drakensberg or towering Himalayas and ask her for her secrets to motherhood as she stares into my soul and sees the source of my questioning. Sometimes, I look to the elephants for guidance when it comes to being a parent, a single parent, just as I watch their behaviours and learn about friendship, sisterhood and brotherhood from them. They are my wise elder, with generations of ancient wisdom. I watch how they treat their mothers and how they care for their young, like Matriarch Tokwe as she raises her two daughters, Limpopo and Pisa. Two female elephants who are likely to become leaders like their mother one day because of the incredible lessons they have learned from her.

Elephant families, it is often said, are similar to those of humans. In human families, it’s often said that boys – like in an elephant herd – will leave as they mature and will gravitate to their new family, perhaps the family of the woman they decide to marry, should they marry. Girls tend to stay closer to their mothers and birth families, with their husbands and little ones in tow. But the world is also changing, always.

I know I have raised travellers and I have raised incredibly confident, passionate, independent children – my son Xander and my daughter Lente. When you start your journey as a mother, no matter how many books you read on the subject, no matter how much advice you’re given or how many tips you pick up watching others, most often, you choose to follow your gut and your heart. At the same time, trying to balance everything else that life asks of us. Our kids don’t remember everything, but we do. I remember every car ride with them in the back seat, the songs, sweets and stories we shared. I remember lying in bed with their little bodies on me, feverish sometimes, sometimes crying in pain, other times giggling with joy as I tickled their toes, always near me just as I wanted them to be.

I’ve raised confident, passionate, independent children because that is who I am. I have raised travellers because I am a traveller. One of my greatest joys has been sharing travel experiences with my son and daughter, from trekking with the silverbacks of Rwanda with Xander and driving along the dirt roads of our own wildlife reserve together, to roaming the streets of Greece or Paris with my daughter Lente, and sharing wine in the vineyards of the Cape. The older I get, the more I second guess the steps I took, but I know that with each step, it was my own heart and mind that led me to try to do what was right, either for the short term or for the future. That’s what we do as mothers, as matriarchs. We consider the road ahead, and the bumps en route.

I look to the elephants and I’m reminded of how much we need our mothers and allomothers, our sisters and friends to help us raise our children, but also to support us when we need to find our feet. I am grateful for the support my mother gave me when I needed her. She too was always a confident, passionate, independent traveller and a leader. I couldn’t help but follow in her footsteps, and find my own path just as my children are navigating theirs.

So what would the wise elder tell me, when I find her and sit before her on the ground with my legs crossed, when I ask her for her secrets to motherhood? Perhaps she will tell me that they are not too dissimilar to the secrets of life as a whole. That what matters most are the simple things. The attention we give to others, the time we make for ourselves, and the time we take to be with our families. Perhaps she will tell me that I already know the secrets, and I have a suspicion that I do. Because, lately, I realised that the most important things are not always about achievement, triumph, or success, not always the physical, but rather the moments we share with our loved ones, standing in the rain, looking up at grand mountains and watching the last mountain gorillas on Earth come toward us. Holding hands and walking down cobbled roads together in foreign cities, filled with the romance and history we’ve seen in old films, and lying side by side on a white beach in a faraway ocean town. For an elephant herd like mine, my human herd, where we are always on the go, I cherish the times we make for each other.

What other motherhood lessons do you think the wise elder would have to share with us?